dye your bangs to hide that you don’t stand a chance?

May 16, 2011

I’ve been told that I’m a rock star. I’ve been told that I’m intimidating, but not in a scary way. I’ve been told that I need to calm down. I’ve been told that I have a gift. I’ve been told that I have a weird sounding voice and a big nose. I’ve been told that I’m a diva. I’ve been told that I’m a sickeningly delusional, self-absorbed loser who needs to get over himself. I’ve been told that while the idea of me may sound freakishly robotic, I am, in fact, remarkably human. I’ve been told that I’m someone nobody actually wants to be friends with. I’ve been told that I’m not the person I seem to be. I’ve been told that I’m a beautiful person, inside and out and that I truly deserve for my dreams to come true. I’ve been told that I’m smart, funny, goofy, cocky, talented, irritating, rude, and even insane.

I believe that it’s probably all true, but I also believe in not giving a damn.

Who cares what some kid who sat behind you in math in the sixth grade thinks about you? Or someone who knows who you are but has never gotten around to getting to know you? Or the people that you once called your friends? Or someone that call your friend right now? Stop listening to what other people think about you and start listening to what you know about yourself. Because when it comes down to it, you have the ability to tune out the voice of any other person on the planet, but you’ll never be able to get away from the voice inside your head. The voice that’s asking “Who do you think you’re kidding?” is also the one that’s reminding you there are people you mean the world to. You can control it, too, if you let yourself.

I say all this, but I’ve also been told that I’m all talk. Try as I might to seem confident and alive, there are moments when I cannot seem to get over something that someone else thinks about me, moments when I sit and cry because I don’t know who I am, where I’m going, or why I’m even trying. I don’t think these moments will ever go away, try as I might to pretend they don’t exist. The thing is, you spend so much time building up this image only to find that having an image isn’t what you thought it was going to be. Then, you just wish nobody knew your name. Too late.

Lady Gaga once said, “Only value the opinions of those you respect.” I believe in only listening to the judgments of those you love and the thoughts of those who are worth your time. And, if at times, you decide that you respect no one, love no one, and that not a single soul is worth your time, you jump headfirst into that pool of narcissism and keep telling yourself that you’re the only one who’s right while everyone else is wrong. Sometimes, you owe it to yourself. But, then again, who knows? Lady Gaga has also said, “I love the Jonas Brothers, they’re very talented. I’d like to have a foursome with them.”

A few months ago, I was sitting in a tiny club in Boston with some of my best friends at a concert at 11 o’clock on a Monday night, and I heard these words sung: “And I still get laughed at, but it doesn’t bother me. I’m just so glad to hear laughter around me.”

So please, keep laughing, everyone.


3 Responses to “dye your bangs to hide that you don’t stand a chance?”

  1. maaark this is lovely.

  2. I absolutely love this post. bravo, Mark.

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