jealous of the experience?

December 9, 2010

I have this recurring theme in my life, or a device, or a controlling idea perhaps…

“I don’t want to do that, but I want to have done it.”

I was talking about this with people briefly in english class today. I often encounter experiences or events that I don’t actually desire to do, but desire to have done. I don’t want to do it, but I want to be able to say, both to myself and the world, that I’ve done it. My longing for the story of the experience is greater than my longing for the experience. I’m aware that this make make little sense. Here are a few examples:

The Human Centipede. I really had no desire to actually view the film. I knew it would be, though hilarious, disgusting, and make my body feel uncomfortable. Plenty will tell you that I squirmed and make strange noises throughout the majority of the film. But regardless, I wanted to have seen it. I wanted that to be a life accomplishment that I could check of my list.

Fainting. I’ve never ever fainted. And I know that it’s probably not the most pleasant, or comfortable, or healthy experience. But I just don’t think it’s fair that I’m almost 18 and I’ve never fainted. I want to have experienced that.

Giving Blood. There isn’t anything I find immensely appealing about the thought of being stuck with a large needle and watching my blood, my own blood, no anybody else’s, my blood that my body made for me, going up through a small tube into a bag — a bag that looks like it would be so tempting to squish and play with. At the same time, I want to have given blood.

There was also a particular incident involving Italian Street Vagina that a few may be aware of. Another excellent example.


Maybe it’s because I get jealous easily. Maybe it’s because I think too much about persona.  Maybe it’s because I’m just a notorious one-upper.

But I’m sure I will continue through life, constantly encountering things that I don’t want to do, but, more importantly, want to have done.


One Response to “jealous of the experience?”

  1. Stevachu Says:

    I have a list like this too. Sorta. Except it’s full of sexual encounters.

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