maybe i’ve lost it at last?

December 30, 2009

Well, it’s been a while.

I guess that’s okay. I’m on break. I guess I’m allowed to take  break from lots of things. I haven’t been doing much of anything. So, what is there to talk about? What is there to blog about? And there’s nothing to procrastinate from doing, so I can’t put things off by writing here.

Actually, that’s a lie; there are things I should be doing, things I need to get done. But this is my vacation. I can live with the fact that I’ll be kicking myself in the face a few weeks from now – when I’m busy doing what I should be doing now. I deserve this, fuckers.

Okay, since there’s no other inspiration, I’m going to do this thing. It’s from Alej-Alejandra.

For Starters…

My name is: Mark

Birthday: February 11, every year

Eye Color: blue, and sometimes they’re brighter than other times

This morning I was: told to “wake up” at ten, but I didn’t get out of bed until past noon. That’s the way it should be, I think. If I’m tired, I should sleep. I’m a growing boy.

I’m afraid of: not living up to expectations, whether it’s others’ for me or mine for myself. (love how much sense that sentence made) I have this idea in my mind of how things should go, and how things in my life should turn out, and, even worse, I have this idea in my mind of what other people expect of me. I guess, they both come from myself, but it’s always easier to give the rest of the world the blame.

I dream about: the strangest things, ranging from old western towns, supermarkets, potion stores, school, little boy-eating witches, and the occasional musical dream, in which my life is a musical/the way it should be. Also, I once dreamed that I woke up, showered, got ready for school, say through first period, without anything strange happening, then I woke up and had to do it all over again.

Last time I cried: some movie that did not necessitate tears – the strangest things make me emotional. I think it’s when I see myself in art of some form. I’m confronted with my own feelings, and reassured that I’m not the only one who feels them.

The worst habit I have: I freak out when things don’t go according to plan. If I have a plan in my mind for how something will go, even the smallest task, and I’m unable to do it my way, I just can’t help but be frustrated. I don’t want my life to be hindered by things out of my control, but isn’t all of life out of our control. I came into this world not being in control, and have spent every day since grasping for it.

I’m in a good mood when: I’m carefree and with people I love.

To summarize myself in three words: God. Amongst. Men. (No, really. I’m the perfect human. Didn’t these  first few answers make that very clear?)

Who…

Makes you laugh the most: when I’m in the mood for it, my sister-when I’m not in the mood for it, my sister. She knows just how to piss me off, and just how to make it impossible for me to be mad at her. That’s talent.

Makes you smile: the ridiculous situations that happen in my life – but even more, the ridiculous situations that happen in other people’s lives, that I get to watch

Is easiest to talk to: I have an imaginary audience, filled with people I know: my friends, my family, famous people, people who I look up to, people I hate, people who have died. It’s nice to have their reassurance sometimes, and it’s nice to know that they’re all just in my head, and that, at the end of the day, I don’t need anyone else to get by, just my own imaginary people who are real people…? My brain works in interesting ways. Ignore everything else I’ve written in response to this questions. My answer is: myself.

Do you miss the most: I miss the people I don’t see anymore, whether they’ve gone, died, changed, I miss the happy memories of the past.

Shares a brain with you: Big thithder. When people see us together, the most common reaction is, “Oh, okay, this makes sense now.”

Was your first friend: Well, when I was brought home from the hospital, two days after my sister’s birthday, she refused to speak to my mother for a while and wanted her to “take it back.” We hit it off right away. I need to stop writing about her.

Inspires you: So many people. My mom. My dad. My sister. My grandparents. Tina Fey. Lady Gaga. Hannah Bacon. Caitlin Beckman. Alice Ripley. Dr. Ryan. Kathy Griffin. Meghan McWeeney. Stephen Sondheim. Gavin Creel. Alexandra Popken. Artists. Writers. Painters. Performers. Film Makers. Music. Art. Life. I’m leaving out so much. I think I might come back to this later.

Was the last person you said “I love you” to: My mother when she went to bed. I think love is when you know that someone will always care about you and help you and laugh with you and cry with you, no matter what you might do or who you might end up being.

Is your best friend: I am firmly against having one best friend. Due to a discussion in Hisotry class once, I think Hannah disagrees.

Is my last text message from: Twitter ❤ I’m a firm believer in stalking.

Do you look forward to seeing soon: The thousands of people I’ll be standing outside in the cold with, while we welcome a fresh start. Even the drunk ones.

What…

Is on your bedroom walls: I have the craziest shit in my bedroom. The Goblet of Fire. Kenneth. A fat Hula girl. A Hamburger Phone. A benzene ring. Tickets. A dollar signed by Sutton Foster. The Annie locket. The Me and My Girl watch. A Greek flag (I’m not Greek.) Photos. Letters. My Peter Pan costume. A tab that says “unwanted sex.” Stickers. Buttons. Newspaper clippings. A Rubix cube. A ceramic dog. A 50ml beaker. A piano I cannot play. A book digned by Bernadette Peters. PlayDough. A tiki mask. Some toy dinosaurs. Signed Playbills and photos in a box labeled “Mokeys and Playbills.” And that’s not even the start of it. Come over and check it out some time. I think my room perfectly describes my personality.

Do you wish you were doing instead: I’m content.

Makes you different: Everything about me.

Drink do you prefer: Iced Tea, it’s never not refreshing.

Annoys me the most: People who already have what I want.

Color are your nails: flesh toned?

Bracelets are you wearing: Hannah Bacon, Becca Falk, and Greek good luck.

Kind of pizza do you prefer: THIS IS NOT A FAIR QUESTION. Depends on my mood.

Do you look forward to: whatever the future has in store for me.

I…

I want: a drink and a light snack.

I wish: my dreams could come true sooner rather than later.

I love: having my head scratched.

I miss: I think I’ve kind of already answered this.

I fear: This too, and I’m losing motivation to give lone answers.

I hear: Next to Normal

I have: an itch.

I smell: my smell.

I care about: happiness.

I pray: that things will be the way they should. I think they will. I just don’t know if I know what that way is yet.

I wonder: what people really think of me.

note to self: you’re an isane fool, and you’re perfect just the way you are.

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2 Responses to “maybe i’ve lost it at last?”


  1. I feel like I really understand you as a person after reading this ENTIRE thing

  2. Thithter Says:

    hahaha mark i love making you laugh. LOVE LOVE LOVE pissing you off though… 🙂 MUAH.


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